Have you ever noticed that the moments you feel the most insecure are the moments you are the most critical?
It is a strange paradox. When we feel unsteady within ourselves, we have a deep urge to control the world around us. We try to control how people see us, how they behave, and how they fit into our expectations. We judge others harshly, secretly hoping that by pointing out their flaws, we won’t have to face our own.
But here is the truth: Control is not strength. It is a cage.
And the key to unlocking that cage isn't trying harder to be "nicer" or "less judgmental." The key is to turn inward and rebuild the confidence you have within yourself.
When you truly align with yourself—when you trust who you are at your core—you no longer need to control the tides. You simply learn to swim.
The Root of the Need to Control
We often think that controlling our environment, our partners, or our colleagues is a way to protect ourselves. We think, “If I can just get them to act right, I will feel safe and respected.”
But the need to micromanage people and situations isn't about love or safety. It is usually about fear. It is a lack of trust in the universe and a lack of trust in ourselves to handle things if they go wrong.
This is where the body holds the secret to freedom.
The Wisdom of Jin Shin Jyutsu: The Heart & Small Intestine Connection
In the ancient healing art of Jin Shin Jyutsu, our mental and emotional states are directly linked to specific energy pathways in the body.
The struggle with judgment, control, and the inability to accept others is specifically linked to the Energy Pathways of the Heart and Small Intestine.
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The Heart: Is the seat of your true self. It holds your joy, your inner confidence, and your ability to give and receive love without conditions. When the Heart energy is depleted, we feel unworthy. We feel we aren't "enough," so we desperately seek validation from external sources.
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The Small Intestine: Its role in the body is to sort the pure from the impure—deciding what to absorb and what to eliminate. On an emotional level, when this energy is out of balance, we begin to mentally "sort" everything and everyone. We sort people into boxes: Good enough/Not good enough. Useful to me/Not useful to me.
When there is too much Fire in the body, the Heart becomes agitated, and the Small Intestine becomes overactive. We become mentally rigid. We "over-sort" everything. We hold onto grudges and expectations, and we try to control people to fit our specific criteria of how they "should" be.
The Shift: From "Fixing Others" to Accepting Them
When you begin to harmonise the Heart and Small Intestine, a magical shift happens. You stop trying to "fix" the world and start accepting it.
You realise that someone else’s journey is not yours to conduct.
When you are aligned with your own Soul, you don't need someone else to perform a certain way to make you feel good. You already feel good. You don't need them to validate your worth; you already know it.
This is the natural byproduct of true self-confidence. It isn't loud or bossy. It is quiet and accepting.
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You stop judging others because you no longer need to put people down to lift yourself up.
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You stop trying to change people because you accept them for who they are, not who you need them to be for you.
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You release the "control habits" because you trust the flow of life.
This isn't something you force. It is something you release.
Letting Go of the Fire: A Physical Approach
You cannot think your way out of a control habit. You cannot logic your way out of anxiety. These patterns are held deep within the tissues, the fluids, and the energetic pathways of the body.
If you are feeling mentally rigid, judgmental, or stuck in power struggles, there is likely too much Fire trapped in your upper body. It creates heat in the mind—racing thoughts, impatience, and irritability.
To truly free yourself, we must help the body release this heat. We must harmonise the root cause so that you don't have to white-knuckle your way through life, trying not to be "controlling."
This is why I designed my newest collection of meditations.
Harmonise Within: Meditations to Release Control and Align with Self
This series is not just about relaxing for ten minutes. It is a targeted energetic reset.
These meditations are specifically designed to:
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Sedate the excess Fire in the Heart and Small Intestine pathways, cooling the agitation that fuels judgment.
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Release the physical tension held in the shoulders, neck, and jaw—the places we store our resistance to life.
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Anchor you in your own worth, so you no longer look to others to tell you who you are.
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Gently unwind the subconscious need to control, allowing you to accept others exactly as they are, without needing to change them.
When you harmonise these deep energies, you don't have to try to stop judging others. You simply... stop. It no longer feels necessary.
You don't have to force yourself to "let go." Your hands just open.
Thriving in Acceptance
When you are aligned with yourself, life becomes incredibly light.
You are no longer the traffic cop of everyone else’s behaviour. You are just a traveler, walking your own path, nodding in acknowledgment as others walk theirs.
This is thriving. This is freedom. This is the natural state of a harmonised Heart.
If you are ready to stop fighting the world and start accepting it, I invite you to explore this collection. Let’s cool the fire, soothe the spirit, and allow you to finally rest in the confidence of who you truly are.